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Older Than Hip-Hop

An old man is DJ-ing in a bar in the middle of nowhere.  Some drunken young girl approaches him in her early twenties slurring, “We want to hear some REAL Hip-Hop.  Play some new stuff off the radio”.  “Real Hip-Hop?” the old man scowls, “Who’s older, me or Hip-Hop?  I am…so go take your ass somewhere and sit down.”  The old man mumbles to himself, “Little kid with no panties on trying to tell me something about some Hip-Hop.  I been around messing with music when It wasn’t no Hip-Hop.  Real Hip-Hop my ass”.

A tear wells up in his eye as he remembers the good old days…the days before Hip-Hop.  It was all blow pops, rotary phones and pinball machines back then.  Sure, he remembered the odd Blowfly record, but nobody took Blowfly seriously.  What black person of any age wasn’t used to some guy standing on the corner and talking trash while making it rhyme?  Sure, he had heard of the Last Poets, but nobody took them seriously either.  The Last Poets were good for a thought provoking laugh or two, but nobody expected them to hit the charts and start a worldwide trend. 

The old man was a musician, so he underestimated Hip-Hop.  The old man, even in his youth, always thought, “Any old fool can talk over the b-side instrumental of a Chic record”.   He underestimated the possibility that even more fools would want to listen to a fool talking over the b-side instrumental of a Chic record.  One fool tricks two fools, two fools trick four, and four fools trick more fools.  Suddenly Hip-Hop spreads like a government-funded virus.  The old man had learned all of those notes and time signatures for nothing.  All of those music lessons just so that some drug dealer could use technology to steal samples from real musician’s recordings.  “Bitter” was only the tip of the old man’s iceberg of disdain.

The old man scratched his balding head, “How much ass shaking and partying can a person do in one lifetime?  Doesn’t anybody write love songs anymore?”  The old man grew up on singer-songwriters and school-trained musicians.  He laughed at the baby known as Hip-Hop when it was born, but the joke turned out to be on him.  Hip-Hop grew into a hulking, slobbering beast with the moral backbone of a starving alligator.  It’s very construction cannibalistic and incestuous against the R&B and Soul music that gave it legs to walk on.  The old man was now the star of a movie he didn’t want to be in…”No Dance Floor For Old Men”.  He could not find it within himself to respect the music because he was older than Hip-Hop.

End.   

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