The Option to Live
When you tell people that you
had a near death experience and actually considered death as a viable option
you will most likely be met with a bevy of queer looks and questioning
brows. It would be hard to explain
to a person that you are not suicidal but instead curious to the point of
vulgarity. I am no different.
Having experienced a bit of
heart failure, I found myself in the emergency room of a hospital in a quiet
suburb of Missouri, not in the least bit dramatically pleading my case for
assistance as my physician had called ahead of time to explain my plight.
There was sweat on my brow
and discomfort in my chest, but yet I still managed to muster a smile and a bit
of humor to lighten the day of the woman behind the desk in the emergency
room. As she told me to seat
myself with a curious look of disbelief on her face, I sat with the Grim Reaper
in all of his dusty glory as he presented me with the luxury of choice.
I was made to feel alive by
the prospect of death and having it offered to me as a genuine choice. I recognized immediately that I was
being presented with a luxury.
Many people will get hit by a car suddenly or reach for a can of soup on
the top shelf of a cabinet and then suddenly grasp their chest and keel over
dead, or even get hit by a stray bullet, but here I was able to make a
choice. It was a luxury indeed
that made the prospect of life that much more exciting. Dying would require giving up…and some
level of defeat. Dying would
constitute some level of mental and physical exhaustion coupled by the breaking
of the will of said man. Why would
anyone in his or her right mind pick that option? That it was offered seemed silly to me, still, yet, I was
flattered by the gesture presented by the Grim Reaper. “No thank you, fine sir. I think I should stay awhile due to the
fact that my curiosity about the future is tearing me to shreds. It’s not as if you are not coming for
me eventually anyway. I see no
need to rush a dreadful piece of inevitable business.” And with that pompous
taut even the Grim Reaper smiled and laughed a little before saying, “Later
then?” I smiled and tilted my head
as a sign of respect, “Later it is”.
If you should find yourself in need of a device to track your
sodium intake, this modest and painfully simple iPhone app should suffice.
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